|
Ashlee
Simpson's
Career Comes
Courtesy Of
Daddy
Dearest
If an innate
tenet of
parenthood
is to
protect
one's
offspring,
why does Joe
Simpson
insist on
repeatedly
tossing his
youngest
child to the
wolves?
That's Joe
Simpson,
father of
the
alarmingly
untalented
Ashlee
Simpson.
Ever since
her
lip-synching
debacle last
year on
''Saturday
Night Live,"
the pop star
wannabe has
been a
perpetual
punch line,
and the
disparaging
words grew
even more
ferocious
after her
screechy,
off-key
performance
at the
recent
Orange Bowl
halftime
show. By the
end of her
song, ''La
La," a
spectacular
chorus of
boos rained
from what
sounded like
a good
portion of
the 70,000
people in
attendance.
Before the
camera
quickly cut
away, Ashlee
looked so
stunned it
was as if
someone had
backhanded
her across
the face.
Now, Ashlee
will begin
her first
headlining
tour next
month, and
it'll be
tough not to
feel some
sympathy for
her since
it's her
greedy
father who,
in his
capacity as
her manager,
keeps
offering her
up for
public
ridicule.
Having
struck gold
with older
daughter
Jessica and
her
reinvention
as a dumb
blonde on
the MTV
reality show
''Newlyweds:
Nick &
Jessica,"
Joe Simpson,
the show's
executive
producer,
immediately
began
foisting kid
sister
Ashlee on
us, like
she's part
of some
two-for-one
package
deal. Before
you could
say
nepotism,
Ashlee had
her own
self-titled
MTV show
(which, like
''Newlyweds,"
returns for
a new season
Jan. 26)
detailing
the making
of her debut
album,
''Autobiography."
That she
didn't have
a lick of
talent was
instantly
apparent,
but there
was her
father
encouraging
her to sing
songs in
various
ways.
Still, Joe
Simpson's
smug vision
was
validated
when
Ashlee's
album
entered
Billboard's
200 album
chart at No.
1; it has
since sold
more than
2.5 million
copies.
(According
to Nielsen
Soundscan,
which tracks
record
sales,
''Autobiography"
was 2004's
ninth
best-selling
album.) Of
course,
album sales
are one
thing,
singing
ability
quite
another.
Last summer,
I saw Ashlee
perform on
the second
stage at the
KISS
concert, and
she was so
awful,
yelping her
fake little
punky songs,
I thought it
was a jokey
stunt. She
made Britney
Spears sound
like Aretha
Franklin.
Behind all
this is Joe
Simpson, a
former
Baptist
minister who
gave up his
calling to
pimp out his
daughters as
pop stars.
Certainly,
he isn't the
first
out-of-control
stage parent
to manage
his child's
career and,
in the
process,
nearly wreck
her life.
For example,
some
maintain
Judy
Garland's
lifelong
problems
with drugs
began when
her
overbearing
mother
allowed MGM
studio
bosses to
prescribe
various diet
pills for
her daughter
when she was
a teenager.
And then
there's Kit
Culkin,
whose
aggressive
management
style
wrecked his
son
Macaulay's
career as a
child star
faster than
puberty.
Of course,
there's no
indication
Joe Simpson
has
permitted
anything as
insidious to
happen to
his
daughters.
Yet, one has
to wonder
just how
much
national
derision he
can expect
Ashlee,
who's barely
20, to
endure.
(This sample
from Jay
Leno: ''I
guess you
know they
had two
problems
during the
Orange Bowl
halftime
show. Kelly
Clarkson's
mike wasn't
working, and
Ashlee
Simpson's
was.")
Then again
what should
anyone
expect from
a father who
isn't beyond
promoting --
and
commenting
in unnerving
detail --
about his
daughter
Jessica's
sexiness. In
a GQ
interview
last month,
Joe said,
''Jessica
never tries
to be sexy.
She just is
sexy. If you
put her in a
T-shirt or
you put her
in a
bustier,
she's sexy
in both.
She's got
double D's!
You can't
cover those
suckers up!"
Is your
flesh
crawling
yet? And
that's not
the first
time he's
mentioned
Jessica's
ample
cleavage in
terms way
too familiar
for comfort.
Rather than
follow her
older
sister's
boilerplate
pretty
blonde
route,
Ashlee dyed
her hair and
sells
herself as a
raven-haired
fist-pumping
rebel for
those who
find Avril
Lavigne too
musically
challenging.
All well and
good, except
Avril,
behind her
surly
affectations,
has some
discernible
talent. All
poor Ashlee
has is a
father
pushing too
hard and too
fast.
Certainly,
he did the
same with
Jessica, who
began
singing
Christian
music in her
early teens.
But at least
Jessica,
when she
isn't
delivering
songs with
all the
nuance and
subtlety of
a fog horn,
can carry a
tune. Ashlee
jumps and
screams, and
couldn't
find a key
with a
global
positioning
system. All
this seems
lost on Joe
Simpson,
who, in
making his
children
into his
corporation,
seems most
concerned
with
squeezing
every dime
possible out
of Ashlee's
dubious
fame. If
he's conning
the public,
it's nothing
compared to
what he's
doing to his
misguided
daughter,
who thinks
herself a
pop star
when she's
little more
than a bad
joke.
Then again,
that's the
cost of
being
controlled
by a man
like Joe
Simpson,
who's more
concerned
with being a
rapacious
manager than
a protective
father and
prefers
tossing his
daughter
into the
public fires
rather than
shielding
her from its
flames. |